With the last post I tried to fast forward so that we could get this blog to real time. I summarized the summer in one quick post to move this blog forward because so much is happening right now. It is time to get the posts written and posted relevant to the time things are happening. Trying to play catch up to this point I know has caused many blessings to be overlooked whether those blessings be a donation, an act of kindness, or a personal showing of love. So, that is why this is moving so quickly.
With all that said, there was an event that occurred in August that must be covered in depth and in a dedicated post. First, let me explain the title to this post. In my mindset we are at war. I posted on my facebook page the yesterday that I was Brianna’s David, standing in the spiritual gap for her, donning the armor and fighting her Goliath, her brain tumor. I believe that the war that we face is made up of many battles. I have already claimed winning the war or in other words, Brianna’s healing. The war is not what makes us weary, it is the constant fighting of the battles that make up the war, the always present attacks on our spirit through a breathing problem here or some other sickness there. Many of these battles are small but still very frightening to an eight year old girl and her parents.
So, on to that event that occurred in August. The MRI always is a huge ordeal for us. The weeks leading up to it bring us great fear and anxiety. I struggle with this fear because I have already told you that I believe that Bri will beat this. I get concerned sometimes that if I fear the procedure and the results does that mean that I am not truly faithful in God’s ability to heal her? I AM faithful in His ability and believe He will heal her. It goes back to the battles. I don’t want to play the one step forward and two steps back game. I want progress. What I fear is that the result might show something that would set us back. I don’t want to have to wait for good news, I want it now. But one thing that I have learned is that you can’t rush a master and God is the ultimate master. He uses trials to teach us patience and that is something that I have learned wholeheartedly throughout this.
We have built up a routine on MRI days. We have to be at the hospital very early in the morning. We get Bri checked in and they take us to a room where we get her changed and sign the various consent forms and tell them the same things we tell them every single time we visit any portion of this hospital. Shouldn’t her known allergies be in her chart already? By now that chart should look like a couple copies of War and Peace and all they should really have to do is ask us if there have been any changes since last time. Oh well. Anyway, once we go over that the anesthesiologist usually comes in and asks pretty much the same questions you just answered. Within minutes we go back to the room where they will give Bri the meds to put her to sleep. They place the mask on her face and they tell us to give her a kiss on the cheek as she falls to sleep within seconds. As we lean over the bed to kiss her the tears begin to flow. I wonder if this will ever get any easier but I do not think it will. We walk out and sob like babies down the hallway to the main part of Riley. Our first stop is always the same place. The Chapel. We ask God for protection over her and to provide us with good results. I always get down on my knees and as I pray out loud we both begin to cry. It is so overwhelming.
When we finish in the Chapel we find somewhere to sit and relax for a few minutes before we head back to the waiting room so that we are there and ready as soon as Bri is alert. She is always a pistol when she comes out of sedation and she is very hard to get along with but we rush in to be with her. It is hard on her and the effects of the ordeal leave her much like a rag doll. It would be so much easier to be able to take her home at this point but the MRI is normally scheduled on a day that we are scheduled for a chemotherapy treatment. The early morning wake up, drowsiness from the MRI anesthesia, and the fatigue created by the 4 to 5 hour chemo treatment have a major impact on her strength and her mental state. She can be downright mean after a day full of this.
Stay tuned for Part II of this post to follow in the next few days.